A Clash of Kings-Chapter 29

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Tyrion VII
A Clash of Kings chapter
POV Tyrion
Place King's Landing
Page 326 UK HC (Other versions)
Chapter chronology (All)
Tyrion VI
Bran IV  ← Tyrion VII →  Arya VII

Tyrion VIII

It is late at night when Tyrion is disturbed by the arrival of Lancel with demands from Cersei that Pycelle be released and Ser Jacelyn Bywater be arrested for defying a command in the King’s name. Lancel is arrogant until Tyrion reveals the he knows his part in King Robert’s death and that he has been having sex with the queen. Then Tyrion threatens to tell Joffrey, and this convinces Lancel to agree to be Tyrion’s spy. Afterwards, Tyrion travels a circuitous route to be with his whore Shae.


Tyrion is woken by a sleepy Podrick Payne with news that Lancel Lannister had arrived. Tyrion was not bothered by the late hour since he usually worked well into the morning reading Varys’ whisperer’s reports or going over Littlefinger’s accounts. He figures, however, that Cersei was expecting Lancel’s late arrival would catch him less alert. Tyrion takes his time, and roughens his hair to make it look like he had been woken from his sleep.

Tyrion warmly greets Lancel, who has been pacing. Lancel tells him that Cersei commands that Pycelle be released, handing Tyrion her warrant. Tyrion tell Lancel that he hopes she is not over taxing herself, he would not want to see a relapse. After being told that she is recovered, Tyrion states it is music to his ears, thinking he should have given her a larger dose. Tryion offers Lancel mulled wine to help to sleep, and he rejects the offer, having not come to drink. Tyrion states that wine has it dangers and the he would have thought that if Cersei was so concerned about Pycelle she would have come herself. Lancel tells Tyrion just to release the prisoner with a sneer, that the queen is Joffrey’s regent. Tyrion replies that he is Joffrey’s Hand. Lancel replies ““The Hand serves. The regent rules until the king is of age,” and Tyrion tell him maybe he should write it down so he can remember, and tells Podrick to leave.

After Pod leaves, Lancel states that Ser Jacelyn Bywater defied a command in the King’s name, and that Cersei demands he be removed and charged with treason; Tyrion thinks that it means that Cersei had already ordered Pycelle’s release and Bywater rebuffed her. When Lancel threatens Tyrion, Tyrion tells him that he will hear no warning from a boy. Lancel touches his sword and tells Tyrion “Have a care how you speak to me, Imp.” Tyrion warns him that at a cry from him Shagga will break in and kill Lancel with an axe and not a wineskin. Lancel, incensed, tells Tyrion that he is a knight. Tyrion asks if Cersei had him knighted before or after she took him to bed. Lancel says nothing, and Tyrion can tell from his eyes that Varys was right. When Tyrion comments, Lancel demands Tyrion withdraw his filthy accusations. Before he can finish, Tyrion mentions the result if Joffrey discovers he murdered his father to bed his mother. Lancel tells Tyrion that Tywin Lannister told Lancel to do everything that Cersei told him when he was assigned squire to King Robert Baratheon. Tryion asks if Tywin told him to fuck Cersei also, Tyrion noting that Lancel looks somewhat like Jaime, but a poor copy. Lancel starts to say he only did has he was bid, to which Tyrion adds that he hated every instant of a high place in court, knighthood, and Cersei opening her legs, and then threatens to go to the king. Lancel begs for mercy as Tyrion continues his threats to go to the king, who he is duty bound to inform. When Lancel states he will end it, Tyrion tells him no, that he will stay close to Cersei, be a spy for him, and tell no one. Lancel agrees, and Tyrion order him to drink to their understanding. Tyrion then tells Lancel the he could do well out of this and that knighthood is nothing. Then he tells him to tell the queen that he begs her forgiveness, and he will let her have Pycelle to do with however she will, but he will not be on the council. With respect to Ser Jacelyn Bywater, tell the queen that you think you can win him away from Tyrion. Then one more instruction, that Tyrion does not want another nephew. He tells her that there is no need for concern since Cersei has him spill his seed on her belly.

After he leaves, Tyrion thinks it fortunate Lancel's father Kevan Lannister has two other sons, since in Tyrion's vew, even if Lancel survives the war, he will never survive Jaime's return to King's Landing, the only question being whether Jaime kills Lancel in a jealous rage or Cersei kills him to stop Jaime from finding out. Tyrion privately bets on Cersei.

Tyrion could not get to sleep, so sends Podrick, who was asleep, to summon Bronn and get two horses saddled. When Bronn arrives, he damands “Who pissed in your soup?” to which Tyrion answers Cersei. He states he should be use to the taste and that she seems to have mistaken him for Eddard Stark. Bronn replies that he was tall, to which Tyrion responds not after Joffrey took off his head.

The leave through the postern gate, then down Shadowblack Lane to the foot of Aegon's high hill onto Pigrun Alley. Tyrion reflects that the men that had been Hand had been no match for Cersei because they had been too honest. The only way to defeat Cersei is to play her own game. In the crowded brothel they were met by Chataya, who leads them to the common room, and serves them wine, apologizing for the quality; she cannot find good wine at any price, which Tyrion understands. As Tyrion waits, Dancy slides onto his lap, telling she has a cure for him feeling unloved. He tells her that he has grown fond of Alayaya’s remedy. When Alayaya arrives, she leads him up the stairs, and tells him that Dancy has a bet with Marei, and has only a fortnight before she loses her black pearls. She leads him to the Tower Room, telling him that she will sleep while he is gone before he disappears down the shaft to the tunnel.

As he leaves the stables on his gelding, he hears music that reminds of the words Tysha had sung to him, who had been a lie, a whore Jaime had hired to make him a man.

He arrives at the manse which had been arranged by Varys as a place to sequester Shae. He had told Varys he wanted her protected by ugly, scared men who did not like having sex women. She is now protected by a Braavosi daggerman with a hair lip and lazy eye, two eunuch strangler, a pair of foul smelling Ibbenese who are fond of axes and each other. If Tyrion had her guarded by his clansmen it would only be a matter of time before everyone knew of his concubine.

He enters the room not intending to disturb Shea, but the sight of her nude body makes him hard. He spreads her legs and starts to lick her until his beard is soaked and then enters her, and explodes almost at once. She opens her eyes and tells him she just had the sweetest dream.

Tyrion thinks of the wars and intrigues and how he was made for this.

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